I am sad....my baby decided to wean so early

She is about 11 mo...
It was just like every other day...
It was Thursday we decided to head to home town...
Baby had a mild fever and cold...normal la takkan BF tak kena sakit.
Nah, she's gonna be OK tomorrow...She's a BF baby...antibody tip top. Was (sob sob sob).

It was just out of a sudden, I dunno what happened...my body odor? Milk not tasty? Slow mo?...she rejected me. She refuses my B.....I tried for days....as usual la. But she cried every time i offered my B. Turning her head away and her hand pushing my B away....as I am not ready to wean, I feel sad. Still feeling sad right now....normally me is the one who decided not to BF anymore it's time to let me go.

Yeah I m hurting. You know la what will happen if suddenly baby won't feed...so uncomfy!!!
Since it happened at my hometown, No pump.I rushed to tesco looking for the cheapest manual pump. I thought I never has to pump and feel like a cow anymore. But who knows it not my call to decide...it's Allah call.

I told hubby, he said maybe it's time to let go....just bottle fed her. It's easier.
But it's not 2 years yet..still not complete. Still a long way to go.

I feel like should i enjoy my freedom now?...or keep pumping maybe she will BF again. I don't know.
Now just use formula. Luckily I brought FM to hometown. I always mix her porridge with FM so it tastes better...

Maybe it's ok to just wean now....no more trouble weaning in toddlerhood. They said should wean in babyhood.

Maybe I always said (niat) when I was pregnant to her that I wanted to wean her before her 1st birthday and now my wish is granted....Alhamdulillah?

Harini terasa sentap

Mungkin aku over sensitif kot.
You know lah kan aku ni...ouswipe aka sahm or wahm or i dunno what.
Eventho u buka kedai ke you still ouswipe la sebab takda pendapatan masuk exact dalam bank bulan bulan dan u pon flexi....jaga anak nombo 1 yang lain tolak tepi kan....
Tapi life still hectic la...sama kot tak semestinya i ouswipe i tak boleh komplen betapa sibuknya kerjaya i yang takda gaji ni uruskan anak ....
Bila i cerita, Terus dibanding kehidupan i dengan kehidupann seorang lagi yang ada kerjaya yang sama gak uruskan anak....(tapi dia ada tukang gaji)....
Sentap la....

Rupanya mak aku yang menyentapkan aku...

Rasa cam rendahnya plak....

Sedihnya rasa....

Pilu....

Or

Maybe i over sentitip....

Maklumla asyik2 balik kampung....cam takde kije nak buat...
Minggu ni rasa cam takmau balik kampung tapi bila dikenangkan lepas ni ntah bila boleh balik, pederas pi la walau baby tak sihat...nasib dia tak gheyau tengah hiway.
Rasa cam esok nak pederas balik kulim balik....dahla sentap tengok mak marah anak2 nakal asyik membising....budak-budak camnilah mak....mak bayangkan seharian i duk cam ni kat rumah....depa pi sekolah rasa aman sikit. Lepas balik, memang hiruk pikuk. Ini baru 2 budak, kalau lebih taktaula kan...sebab stress i dah jerit2 kat budak suh diam, Kesian pula depa nak main aci ligan ja....ada space besaq boleh lari. Kat sana sempit nak lari pun 5 langkah ja dapat....
cik baby pula ntah kenapa nangis ja...takmau susu dah bengkak dah ni....sigh. Ntahlah....nak balik la esok...laki takdak....bosannya takda pakar rujuk.

I over sensitip kowt....

Dalam banyak2 adik bradik akulah yang paling.....orang lain semua success. Aku jer cam ni...sob2. Dahla beb...i sensitip kot semenjak jaga anak sensorang ni....letih kot tapi sapalah i nak ngaku i letih i kan ouswipe saja....tak layak nak letih kan kan kan? huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.................

I am doing better now...

Yep, doing much better.
After a while, i think i am more calm....
Jarang jadi gajah naik minyak dah.
Maybe because  i am alone caring for them...they need me.

Bukan tak marah, marah jugak tapi tak macam dulu. I am glad now.
I manage to finish my abandoned project....yeah!
Look la look la! Berbulan buat nih....konon nak buat bantal busuk cik baby....last2 baby pun dan besaq...so modify sket jadi pencil case ke make up case ke....gajet case ke...
Now can move on to the next proj...>>>topi minion.
Ini kalau nak buat sila rujuk ke website ni: http://www.annoocrochet.com/2012/11/free-granny-flower-pattern.html
senang ja nak buat, kalau tak faham tanya i okay...
Di blog Annoo ni banyak sangat design, boleh gila dibuatnya. Sangat rajin mereka2 ini kan?...
Sebab tu senang ada pinterest, bookmark saja situ. Bila nak, korek balik pin yang ada...

Well, we are moving out of Kulim very soon, a week after school break starts we will heading to Seri Kembangan and begin a new life there.

My shop....will scaling down the operation and keep it online and as a hobby biz until i am ready to hire people again...
Actually i m sick of this staffing issue. Wanna get some peace of mind. Without EPF SOCSO SALARY...
Bila dah bosan packing barang, baru hire and will really really interview for a good people! No more takpelah takpelah. You malas you GO! You rajin you STAY! Hate me GO, Love me ...please don't! Haha...

Kalau u takmau pakai pekerja, u kena pi ke pejabat KWSP di mana file u berada....tulis surat siap-siap yang you akan takda pekerja sekian-sekian sampai bila....then ada borang kena isi kat sana. Bila ada pekerja balik nanti, you kena inform pada pegawai yang berkenaan....then resume paying KWSP online as usual.

Untuk perkeso payah sikit...u know lah perkeso macam tak berdaya saing di dunia IT. Walau kata nak pindah depa still tak update new address....walau kata pekerja dan brenti depa still hantar borang....baik pi tutup akau terus. Boleh download borang di website depa. Borang takda pekerja.
Nanti kalau nak ada apekerja balik, register semula kat tempat baru. Lagi senang camtu.
Perkeso ni dia wajibkan kita bayaq tapi kemudahan takdak.....menyusahkan tul nak bayaq kena p bank. Kalau nak bayaq online kena p isi borang kat bank yg buka akaun....bila p bank tersebut depa pun taktau....tu camner. Sistem pangap.

Okies mama nak sambaung buat kije. Nanti mama update pasal Brillkids baru dan buku reading untuk budak2 bagi pandai baca dan new IKEA kitchen!!! Kbai! Assalamualaikum.

Anger Anger Please go Away

You know since my hubby go to work in KL, i have to care my 2 kids and a baby alone...no help from anyone.
I feel so helpless...
I asked my mom to stay with me since i live alone and i m scared of myself being angry..but she wants to go to her Islamic classes at hometown...
I understand she just wants her saham akhirat...as much as she could earn. Oh i wish to join her!

I tell you the truth, i don't even have time to 'membuang'...have to hold hold....no time to eat...hold on...house is messy all the time, if hubby around will make effort to clear the mess for him.

No time for everything. My baby also doesn't like to nap...ok naplah like 7-5 mins that's it. She sleeps at around 11 pm. If got rezeki, she will sleep early and i will have free time about 2 hours, if not...all of us will drift off to sleep together...leaving the house in the mess...i will wake up just to pray, prep Adam's bag for school and sign Adel's homework...

Yes I have no time for my own work...my new products will be put on hold....weeks without sale since cannot process. The longer i keep the more money I waste..

My hubby asked me to go to school for school transfer form...I said i have no time...don;t have time to poop and pee. I bath with my baby if not i will transform into a goat.
Yes, i have to prep lunch, go fetch them and go out again for kafa...my time is barely enuff.

No time to do Adam's revision whatsoeva...pity him.

And, since i am alone, i snapped lot's lot's lot's of time...

My baby, cannot be put down, She wants to be hold...all the time....

Adel, will create scenes every single day (middle child syndrome)...argggh!!! luckily she loves her sister.

I hate baby wearing, i am skinny my back ache!

This is just temporary...

Enjoy the 'moment'

Anger anger just bug off me!

Allah please guide me! Please!

Staff E

Pening....
Pening....
Pening....

Nilah orang kita ni,
Nak gaji besaq, kerja malas....
Kita kesian nak buang depa,
Depa tak kesian kita.

Stress mak stress....!!!!!
Doa jelah semoga dia dapat kerja baru.

Tapi kerja baru mesti tak dapat bos cam aku.
Bos yang baik.
Nak balik awal: OK
Nak masuk lambat: OK
Nak buat OT (walaupun tak perlu pon), tapi saya nak balik awal: OK

Saya ada hal di rumah, nak kuar sat, tup2 pukul 3 tak balik kedai lagi: OK
Saya nak bawak mak pi.....: OK
Saya nak bawa tok pi......: OK
Saya nak bawa tunang lepak sini.....:OK

Saya nak pi beli barang sikit....:OK
Saya nak lepak kat tempat TV, nak tido jap takde customer....:OK
Saya malas nak sapu habuk, biarlah berabuk barang2 ni.....:OK
Saya malas nak cuci-cuci ni, geli.....:OK
Saya tak retilah apa yg kak suh buat.....:OK

Lepas RAYA.
Saya buat open hous....kena balik tolong mak....:OK
Saya ada jamuan....keluaq sat.....:OK
Saya ada jamuan malam ni, Nak balik awal.....:OK
Esok pun ada jamuan. Nak balik awal.....:OK
Tulat tunggin pun ada jemuan....saya nak penuhkan baloq saya. Saya nak kuar tengah hari pi makan dan balik awal.....: HOKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YIPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKOKOKOKOKOKO....whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yelah, Azam aku lepas ni, No more OK OK ni.
Yang staff E ni aku abaikan, lagipun aku dah nak pindah kedai. Mau x mau dia kena blah juga.

Kedai baru: no more panggil aku 'kak', you panggil i 'puan'
bahasa diri lebih formal.....saya kamu or i you
no more billik TV, bilik lepak. Semua satu ruang. Just buh divider tuk solat. Me too maybe no bilik special. Semua satu area....hahaha save cost.
Tiap2 6 bulan renew kontrak. Kerja malas: gub bai!
No more gaji bulanan. Gaji harian saja....balik awal potong gaji.
Gaji hujung bulan saja. No advance advance tengah bulan. Kalau nak advance: tak yah mai dah.
Rajin kerja dapat gaji lebih. Malas tarak....
Aku bertekad tuk jadi lebih tak kesian...
Terpaksa beb.
Asyik org datang kedai takde saper dalam....dia buat kedai cam dia punya....suka hati jer.
Time gaji, punctual pula.
Typical Malay.
Aku pun typical....mudah kesian.

Last Ramadhan in Kulim

It's Ramadhan again....syukur Allah kerana sempat dan boleh menjalani ibadah puasa sekali lagi.
Tahun ini, tahun last kami sekeluarga berpuasa di sini...

We will be moving out of our comfort zone.

Even tho i hate it, but i must follow.

My hubby lah, gatal apply job over there...got it pulak so....

I am so serabut since i just open a new shop here kan...money pouring still need time to recover.

A lot of things happened too fast...

But by moving, i can re-focus on more important things kan?

Yes, start again. Start all over again. My biz here pun dah lari alignment. Operating cost is high whilst coming in  - barely make it...

About my baby...
Baby, my baby has been diagnosed with a rare condition:congenital hemivertebra. So far nothing to worry we just have to monitor her development but as a result we have to go see doc pakar yang rare jugak for the rest of her life....kami redha. Nanti i tak bz I story ok....salam Ramadhan semua...enjoy the food for all.

Aku tak depress...

Ye....aku tak depress.
Letih kot. Tadi tak pasal2 marah kittens sebab taknak beri kerjasama dalam sesi bergambar. LOL. Kittens yang orang baru buang, Liar sikit. Peghak orang Kedah kata. Jakun. Aku suruh duduk diam2 sibuk nak lari. Baby dah ler nangis, Aku kena cepat ....piap bagi hambek.
Apelah yang kitten 2-3 bulan yang orang takmau tu tahu kan....berdosa aku. Astagfirullahalazimmmm....

Aku dah pesan, jangan ambil kucing dah....si F ni tak faham2. Tensen aku di situ. Sini bukan tempat buang kucing. Awat hangpa tak pi K.A.S.I...owh, buang kucing tak dosa ka? Sebab taknak rasa bersalah, mai buang kat aku plak....baguslah ye ringanlan beban you all dengan MENCAMPAKKAN masalah kat orang lain....benda gini cepat jer sebar mouth to mouth...kalau aku tak mampu aku buangkan jer. Kot banyak sangat nanti tak pasal2 kena saman kowt.
...
...
Aku doakan yang baik2 untuk keluargaku.
Semoga apa yang akan terjadi adalah yang terbaik.

Staff...staf nombo berapa ek? si F. Aku pejam mata jelah. Pastu cukup bulan bagi gaji. Aku redho jelah dengan perangai staff....takde yang perfect. Anggap la duit yang aku dapat bukan untuk aku. Cuma gaji yang aku bagi agak banyak juga....sedih gaklah dengan tahap kerja. S.i.g.h....aku tak buang orang cuma doakan yang baik2 jelah untuk semua.

Sekarang ni aku susah sikitlah nak fokus bisnes...ada baby yang lebih penting dan memerlukan perhatian. Baby tak suka duduk kedai. Tak boleh buat banyak kerja kat sana, duk sat balik....pi lawat kawasan jelah.

Kerja rumah ntah kenapa rasa banyak...especially baju. Rasanya dulu tak buat hari2, sekarang bakul asyik penuhhhh ajer. Kena gagah juga....

Homework, iqra, solat, makan, minum, potong kuku, mandi ke tak, kasut sekolah, baju sekolah, pensel tajam ke tidak, pemadam ada?, semua alatulis cukup, pakai spender terbalik ke betul....haa.. semua aku yang kena jaga....selalu kuku sendiri panjang sebab takda masa nak potong.

Kadang syiok tengok hubby, balik kerja main game....kalaulah aku boleh main game macam tu. Teringin nak main '5 night at freddy's'. Bukan marah kat dia. Takpelah dia penat kerja biarlah dia rehat....janji bagi duit kat aku. Tapi aku ni la...tak rehat2...
Lepas bebudak semua tido, turun plak kemas2 sapu sampah susun beg sekolah semua ready untuk esok.

Seriously speaking/writing....rindu sangat dengan aktiviti crochet dan menjahit....
Masa sangat limited, bisnes lagi malam2 ada 2-3 jam saja free time sebelum tidur.

Apa-apapun, aku sangat bersyukur dengan nikmat masa yang Allah berikan kepada aku. Aku memang tak ada masa untuk diri sendiri tapi banyak masa dapat diluangkan dengan baby dan kiddos.

Ok gud night dearest mommies. Like you guys, I have tonnes of chores awaiting downstairs.
...
...
aku tak depress. sungguh....

I'm still alive...

Yes....
Alive....
Lama tak blogging. Malas + sibuk + tadak mood + stress .... macam2.
Semua ada.
Tadi, dapat emel from gugel adsen...pasal satu pos aku yang tahun bila ntah....telah violate undang2...ntah undang2 apa ntah. Ada content apa ntah yang depa suruh take down. Malas nak layan. Hangpa nak tutup akaun blog ni tutupla...bukan aku heran pun. Blog ni saja nak isi masa lapang saja pon. Sebab dapat emel tadi yang buka blog haha.

Adalah dulu aku buat review tak diiktiraf produk anti jerawat....oooo so ada tertulis jenama terkenal yang tak berkesan kat situ so maybe telah dibuat aduan oleh pihak jenama terkenal terbabit....
Kalau aku kata produk tu bagoih mesti tak suruh take down kan?
Ramai plak yang baca entry jerawat....

Hangpa tunggu la umuq 30-an mesti jerawat hilang. Sabo yer adik2.

Dah buang dah segmen adsense atau iklan kat blog aku ni. Takyahlah iklan2 ni. Mengelirukan jer bukannya aku dapat sen pon dari iklan2 tu. Baik tak payah buh...aku bukan nak cari makan dengan blog ni.

Susahlah kan nak bersuara la ni....

Kalau rajin i update lagi tentang pengalaman bersalin kali ke-3. Baby i besar as expected.