Mudahnya untuk kehilangan...

anak anak ku setiap hari mesti ada waktu galak. maksudnya main tuk release energy. amatla bermain dan akan lupa diri. akhirnya salah sorang akan menangis. yeay!
time masa galak ni aku memang malas nak duduk dekat sebab ...banyak sebab. tadi sebab dah lama tak bagi vitamin kat adik, so offerlah vitamin kat dia. harapannya reda sikit kot galak main tu. tetiba si adam pun nak vitamin....selalu dia reject benda berbentuk ubat. dan mereka teruskan aktiviti. lari, gelak, golek, lompat...u name it. tetiba adam batuk, macam tercekik, cuak aku tengok. eh dia makan apa? ayah terus tepuk belakang kuat giloss, takut aku tengok. then baru teringat...vitamin tadi. suruh dia minum banyak banyak...kan dah menangis, dapat tanda merah kat belakang lagi...ish, takutnya aku. anything can happen in a blink on an eye...remember, do not give them any treats during galak time. dangerous.

Second kitten died

Well, this morning, he was okay. Evening ------> dead.
Makes me sad.
Heard him meawing...its hurt to die. Every last breath must be like hell.
I just could not watch him go. Just like his sister (which I did saw the moment).
Just after a week...why? I asked Allah?
I hope to see them in heaven. Pray for me...for taking care of you two this one month.
I adjusted my routine just to feed you guys. \
Now, seeing that empty cage really sucks.
Miss your cry in the middle of the night.
I dreamed that both of you already grew...so beautiful.
Now, back to old routine.
No more rushing back home to feed the kittens.

Hubby said: Please no more.
I guess that small kittens never gonna survive without their mom's antibody. Damn right.
Damn that person...DAMN YOU. KILLER!!! Are you satisfied now? Moron.

Well, I tried my best. Thought this one gonna make it coz he was the stronger one. But I could feel that he was going weaker after his sister gone. Or, maybe coz Adam held him to tight? I donno...
I just feel like...' confuse, sad, terkilan...'

Sedih

Petang ni rasa sedih dan pilu...mana taknya, salah sekor baby cat yang aku rescue haritu macam nak mati. Sebab ni lah malas nak adopt ni. Satgi mati sedih. Walaupun baru jer...but still. i am feeding her like crazy...day and night. Kenapa? Apa pun ku reda dengan ketentuan-NYA. Semoga baby cat maafkan dosaku. Mungkin tersalah bagi makan. Tak cukup makan...lain-lain sebab. Sedih....

Second session

The session was yesterday. Well, really want to wrote yesterday but Adelina kept waking up so had to care for her...she is teething again, very fussssy, doesn't want to eat anything, really skinny now. 

I was very sleepy during the session coz slept late and not enuf sleep the night before. He just sat at the table for a short time and got distracted by other toys in the room. The therapist is a pro, I was worry coz Adam could not sit still. Then he would make his own word and noise. Nothing much, she just wanted to know Adam's level. Not Ms Ohh. She asked about colors, action words, animals, numbers. Adam was more interested in the toys instead of answering her...But when we waited then he would answer. She said that we have to be firm so that Adam will obey. No yelling or high pitch voice. Everyday is a therapy. Keep talking to Adam. At the mall, during driving, having lunch...(but sometimes Adam just scream at me whenever I ask him...what is this, that is what....) coz he is not in the mood to learn.

Sigh....Adam, mama really hope that you can be a good boy. Forgive me for everything. I love you...Now, he is talking and asking me question. Sometimes it feels annoying, but just layan...whenever ayah says bising la. I would remind ayah. He is in this too. I cannot do this alone. I cannot afford to give up. God, help me.